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Customer Review of the Week: Borderlands 2


-- To fully enjoy this review, read it like John Wayne from True Grit--

Now let me tell ya'll about a little place called Pandora, a place I wouldn't exactly call a spot for a family picnic, nope sir this 'ere land is full to the brim with cut-throats, liars, backstabbers, crooks and muggers.....and thats just what this ol' fool considers the good folks.

The worst of 'em? A man who many believe to be the devil incarnate known as Handsome Jack, a man who would sell his momma out for a buck and use the money to light a cigar but ol' jackie boy may have just aimed the smokin' barrel at the wrong people, these 'ere folk look mean, they look nasty and now they look like they are hungry for payback, these folks are known as vault hunters.

Now I'd call Pandora rotten to the core if it wasn't for that 'ere vault, inside they say is filled with so much loot and treasure that it'd make ol' Davy Jones trade his ship for a duster jacket. Everyone from heaven nigh on hell wants a piece of what has been promised, from maniac depressive robots to psychopathic midgets, hell even the devil himself with the mountain o' gold behind him wants that door opened faster than the exit wounds on a man who just showed aces n' eights in a high stake game of poker.

Woooo now there son, you seem to have that twinkle in yer eye, I've seen that look before, yes siree I've seen big hearts turned into swiss cheese before my very own eyes but heck I know I can't stop ya young uns from running into the fires of hell so let me lend ya some advice before you even challenge the sands of Pandora.

Yer gonna hav'ta get some grade A equipment, guns, shields, friends and a lotta cold hard cash, its dog eat dog out there, sometimes yer gonna hav'ta do wrong to make ends meet or just to get a certain item from someone, remember yer gonna work for the highest bidder and its up to you who the highest bidder is.

You got a strong spine sonny? Thats good cause yer gonna get a lotta loot on yer travels, any stuff you don't won't you can sell for cash for even better fire-power. Oh and son don't you forget that some equipment has special abilities attached to them, stuff to lower defense, heighten gun power, even stuff to make you fire more than 1 bullets, theres a lotta nasty things on pandora, not just the insane midgets or Handsome Jack himself, I mean the creatures of Pandora are bloodthirsty too and they are looking at you like a free meal and hell even the robots want you dead, equip yerself with the right stuff and the only meal they'll get is a face fulla buckshot.

Guns will get you halfway but yer gonna hav'ta turn your pipsqueak body into a badass war machine, depending on what type o' person yer are, gun crazy? sword swinger? Or maybe you are on of them magic wielders I've heard about? Whatever the case you can improve yerself in a number of ways depending on what you like you wanna be, its up to you sonny, I can't tell you which is better, thats up to you to choose.

Seems like you are second guessing that trip to the vault son, I ain't one for stop'n anyone but if you doubt yerself even a little, why doncha bring a buddy or three along for the ride, Pandora can support ya'll and the loots better when you work together but the enemies get stronger too, Pandora is an experience alright and heck, you might be tempted to ride the ride again for a tougher challenge.

Kid I like ya, you just might be able to find that vault after all. I wish ya luck, Pandora ain't no walk in the park but the rewards are there, ripe for the taking, ya might even take bad boy Jackie to the cleaners, if you love adventure, I'd say take the ticket and ride the ride.


Edited On 10 Jun, 2013

Comments
( 6 )
Loli-Nox-Tan's avatar
Loli-Nox-Tan 4 years ago
I love this "To fully enjoy this review, read it like John Wayne from True Grit" How in the name of Arceus did you come up with this review J-D?
J-D's avatar
J-D 4 years ago
holy friggin awesome batman, thank you, when can I expect the points? i can use it for the last of us or remember me. Nox - I was writing the review when I was listening to the Ace's & 8s theme from TNA, the 2 sorta connected together, even put a tiny nod to it in the review.
Anonymous user's avatar
James 4 years ago
Wow, this is one of the most creative reviews I've ever seen. Critics tend to shovel essential information into several paragraphs, dumping their opinions like a landfill site that smells of Methane and dead rodent carcasses. Yet combining TNA's Aces and Eights and John Wayne is a wonderful blend of imaginative potential. And here is that potential tenfold.
Loli-Nox-Tan's avatar
Loli-Nox-Tan 4 years ago
It's one of the best reviews I have ever had the pleasure of reading & that's from someone who hasn't seen True Grit
Loli-Nox-Tan's avatar
Loli-Nox-Tan 4 years ago
Just moan if you don't get them by the end of the week
J-D's avatar
J-D 4 years ago
both versions of true grit are classics, i prefer the new one myself due to the gritty ending rather than the ride off to the sunset ending in the old one.

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